I often refer to unwinding the nervous system. I believe we all carry lifetimes of tension here, impacting the vibrant flow of energy through us. I have this image of it unwinding in an endless spiral and as I write this it has taken on a glittery, shimmery element….almost a freeing up. I truly believe that unwinding the nervous system allows the deepest healing into the soul…..I can imagine my cells shimmering, dancing and celebrating in this space. The writing I am sharing here reflects moments in my life as the unwinding has happened. I also believe the unwinding is never done, there is always something more, something deeper and more interesting to discover. As you read this feel into any word, phrase, color or image that comes to mind, write it down somewhere, a journal, notepad, post it note, computer or phone. I imagine these moments of deeper awareness being strung together to an unfolding of a life transformation.
White Rocks
Many years ago I was struggling with panic and anxiety. So much so I needed a break from my work…..my children were small and I was the primary breadwinner in the house. The idea of taking time away from work caused so much stress but whenever I thought about going back to work I would have terrible panic and anxiety. I started walking on the beach and noticed these beautiful white rocks…..I began collecting them and my daily walks became an adventure and a treasure hunt. During that time it became a type of meditation and focus…..an unwinding of my nervous system….sometimes I would see a specific rock I wanted, but I simply couldn’t get to it, I caught a glimpse, but I couldn’t see through the sandy water, sometimes the waves just kept coming and the rock disappeared…..in life sometimes difficult things keep coming, wave after wave and life feels terribly uncertain……have you had that happen to you…..wave after wave……where trustable ground feels just out of reach? In those times……we have to pause, take a deep breath, stand strong, but flex our knees a little, to be able to sway and balance as life keeps flowing our way……sometimes it’s acknowledging that things are hard, situations are difficult, things simply seem impossible, the water is murky, having faith the water will clear again and the sun will come out. I see you, I feel your struggle, I hold space for your healing to continue and unwind. Trust the way forward and simply do the next thing that is in front of you. And by the way, I collected hundreds and hundreds of white rocks during that time in my life. I recently returned some of them back to the beach because that seemed like the right thing to do, maybe someone else needed them……but I kept a lot of them…… I still have three beautiful white rocks on my desk and lots on my patio and they remind me of that part of my healing journey so long ago.
Unwinding the Sacred Place of Fear and Grief
Unwinding fear and grief is a tricky thing…..I started to write it’s a funny thing…..but as you know it isn’t funny. On my journey to heal and remember I found myself facing many moments of unwinding sacred spaces of fear and grief. I found myself saying (a lot) that I couldn’t see my path, asking and searching and wondering what am I really here to do……and one night, just before falling asleep I finally heard what one of my teachers had been saying to me (a lot)…..the path is the awakening, the being present in the moment, the opening up of my soul, releasing the pain in my back, the tightness in my hips……that’s the path, that’s the journey…..it isn’t pressing forward trying to achieve the next thing, it’s knowing I can rest in the current moment, opening my heart further in the present…..this unwinding touches into fear and grief stored in sacred spaces, it touches into shame, shyness, feelings of being very alone, feeling unloved and unseen. This type of remembering or awakening brings tears, a lot of tears, and release…….because deep within those sacred spaces are the feelings of the fearful child being exposed, discovered and humiliated for being unseen and unloved and the deep fear that everyone will learn that there must be something so, so wrong with her……and unwinding it even further that maybe the deeper fear is to share these memories and emotions and to be rejected, ignored and unseen again after these feelings are released. Is there a sacred space within you that holds this memory or experience…..trust that in this moment it’s okay to unwind it just a little bit further. And truly know you are seen, you are heard and you are loved.
Unwinding Further
A deeper awareness demands more stillness and quiet. More stillness and quiet creates a space with less chatter, nonsense and chaos. Dropping into the stillness creates a space for more rest……more energy for flow of creativity and simple joy.
Grief
No matter how much healing happens, grief is something that continues to surface. It isn’t always so big, but it can come in smaller, more tender ways. Unwinding memories and feeling into the pain that unlocks the moments of not being rescued at so many times in life……it’s a woosh of grief that can leave you breathless……in that moment just pause for a moment and breathe into the grief and breathlessness and feel yourself unwind just a little bit more…..you are okay……
Treasure Chest
The unwinding is truly a treasure chest…….jewels that glimmer and sparkle……clues that bring you closer to your souls message. This treasure chest isn’t for everyone, certainly not for the faint of heart…..it’s for the seeker……the seeker of soulful wisdom. Each jewel of insight, each moment that unwinds brings you a moment of clarity, maybe a moment of peace…..it allows you to take a deeper breath. I’ve had an endless number of treasures……I think of them as an unmasking of the treasures…..touching into sacred spaces of awareness…….a knowing that I wasn’t seen, an unwinding that it wasn’t safe to want to be seen……an unwinding further that if it wasn’t safe to be seen it was a deeper feeling of not being good enough and the disappointment and heartbreak that came from that awareness……the pain……was simply unbearable…..a reality of having people all around me and yet the feeling deep within of being all alone.
Have you felt that way…..have you ever wondered what it would be like to truly be seen by a trusted other……or have you unwound enough that you know you are seen and held in the light of the universe. You truly are a brilliant, sparkling jewel in this glittering, vibration of the larger treasure chest.
In this moment as you pause is there something quiet that comes forward for you, a word, a feeling, a color or simply a sensation? Write it down somewhere to gently remind you as you walk along this path.
Always remember we all just need a minute. A minute to breathe deeper, to pause, even for just a moment. It’s in that pause that you can hear the whisper from your soul, calling you home.
It is lovely for me to share this journey of healing, wisdom, remembering, awakening, dropping in deeper, glitter and joy.
With so much love, light and healing,
Jackie